this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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