I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
