my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
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