I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
