just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
