he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
