I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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