Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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