Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize