Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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