I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
