finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I just googled if crying burns calories
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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