I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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