I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
