I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
So apparently I’m into choking now
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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