Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
