why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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