You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
