So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Two words: nipple clamps
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