my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
