Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
