Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
