We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
