yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
