How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize