Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I have aggressive nipples.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
