Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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