DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
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