She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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