Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
