In the future we'll all be gay
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Randomize
