a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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