Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize