If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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