My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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