I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
