just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
