My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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