I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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