does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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