I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
