i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
