No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
