just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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