you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
