hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
You can't motorboat a personality
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
