you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
