Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
