I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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