was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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