He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
