he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Randomize
