can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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