I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
