I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
please don't ironically join a cult
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