I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
