HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
