Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
