sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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