Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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