Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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