Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
