I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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