I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
he fucked my hip out of place.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
