Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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