I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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