dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
