Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Holy sore nipples Batman
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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