You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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