you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
