i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
