I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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