I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Of course I have a pirate flag
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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