I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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