Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
the night ended with taco bell and tears
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
