Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Acid is not a monday night drug
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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