so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
