I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Sorry about my life...
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
