Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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