I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
