So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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