We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
