They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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