This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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