I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
