I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
