Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize