Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize