2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
