If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
