lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
ugly people sure do ruin things
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
