guys are not supposed to queef...right?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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