yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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